Sometimes A Great Noshin'

[November 15th, 2006] There is no such thing as a free meal, especially during the holidays. For a season that's supposed to be full of joy and wonder, the holidays are often overstuffed with obligations and a desire to please. Even if you enjoy entertaining, the thought of getting an elaborate meal on the table is less appetizing than Rush Limbaugh's plateful of crow.

A great way to make holiday entertaining a bit more palatable is to buy starters, side dishes or sweets from some of Portland's outstanding food professionals rather than make them your sorry, sorry self. WW sought out some of the tastiest goodies on offer in town this holiday season—goodbye, neon-hued whipped cream-and-Jell-O salad, and hello, tasty rabbit pÂtÉ! We've got everything you need to supplement your festive table (or even fill it completely) and, even more important, get the demanding in-law/brother/cousin/mom in your life off your overworked, underappreciated ass. We've even included a "wow factor" rating for you familial overachievers. And, by the way, if there's a guest who always wants to "bring something" but is a gawdawful cook, you can just specify something from this list as his or her contribution to dinner. Now, off to the store with you!

^SAVORIES AND STARTERS

American Artisan Cheese Plate

A variety of American artisan cheeses from Steve's Cheese shop creates a tasty conversation starter and a great way to get your dairy on. For the perfect platter, Steve's recommends 1 to 2 ounces per person and a balance of goat, cow and sheep's milk cheeses. >> wow factor: 5.3. U.S.A. cheese, yet another reason to be proud to be American (besides the results of last week's election). Steve's Cheese, 2321 NW Thurman St., 222-6014. Prices vary.

European Cheese and Charcuterie Plate

Give your holiday feast Old World appeal without breaking the royal bank. Foster and Dobbs' European cheese and meat sampler includes a trio of cheeses like the fruity and full flavored Irish Gubbeen; the dry, robust Ossau Iraty from the French Pyrenees; and the creamy, complex Colston Bassett Stilton from England. One plate makes a tasty meal for two or a sampler for six. >> wow factor: 6.2. Show 'em there's more to life than a Tillamook Baby Loaf. Foster and Dobbs Authentic Foods, 2518 NE 15th Ave., 284-1157. $30.

Country Style Rabbit and Pork PÂtÉ

Viande specializes in quality, fresh-made pÂtÉs. For a fantastic hors d'oeuvre, try the rustic (read: chunky) rabbit and pork accompanied with a baguette and Dijon mustard. But make sure the vegans have already left the party. >> wow factor: 8.0. Share the gift of spreadable meat—it's like supping on Bugs Bunny without all those dangerous bones . Viande, 735 NW 21st Ave., 221-3012. $15.95 per pound.

Green Beans Amandine

Picky eaters can load up on fresh vegetables that offer a needed balance to a season loaded with sweets. Make a trip to Zupan's and check out the deli case. Their Amandine is made with lightly cooked green beans tossed with butter-toasted almonds. >> wow factor: 9. Buttery deliciousness you can easily pass off as your own handiwork. Zupan's Market, 2340 W Burnside St., 497-1088, and other locations. $7.99 per pound.

Quinoa Mushroom Stuffing

Who doesn't love getting stuffed? New Seasons Markets make this stuffing with quinoa, a South American grain with a rich, earthy flavor. Combined with roasted mushrooms, butternut squash and caramelized onions, this dish makes a hearty and colorful addition to a picture-perfect dinner. >> wow factor: 4.6. Breadcrumbs are for dirty, dirty pigeons; people should eat quinoa (psst: that's pronounced " kheen-wah," say it with me). New Seasons Market, 1954 SE Division St., 445-2888, and other locations. $5.49 per pound.

Cured Meat Tray

Our favorite four-letter word: meat. Market of Choice's custom-made tray comes with a variety of sopressata, a cured pork made with red wine, garlic and herbs; and prosciutto, dry-cured for 14 months. Garnished with a choice of specialty olives, these plates make an ideal antipasto. >> wow factor: 6.2. The stomach must be stretched for maximum turkey gobblability. Distend yours with specialty Italian meats. Market of Choice, 8502 SW Terwilliger Blvd., 892-7331. Available in 12-, 16- and 18-inch trays. Requires 24 hours notice. $45-$75.

^SWEET STUFF

Caramelized Pecan Tart

Craving the classics? This holiday favorite features toasted pecans and caramel custard baked in a tart shell. The flaky crust is made with European butter (with less water than domestic versions), lending the tart a richer flavor. >> wow factor: 7.9. How do you spell love with six letters? That'd be B-U-T-T-E-R. Baker and Spice Bakery, 6330 SW Capitol Hill Highway, 244-7573. Requires two days advance order. $10 (for 6-inch tart serving four to six), $25 (for 9-inch tart serving eight to 12).

Panettone

To make this traditional Italian sweet bread, the bakers at Pearl return every six hours to feed the dough, and when it's done baking, they skewer and hang the bread upside down to retain its domed shape. The result is a deliciously sweet and light holiday bread big enough for everyone to enjoy. >> wow factor: 8. This bread gets babied more than your ADD-addled nephew. And it's worth it. Pearl Bakery, 102 NW 9th Ave., 827-0910. Available throughout December without advance order, but quantities may be limited. $15.

Apple Pound Cake

This recipe was created in France by the grandfather of FranÇois Payard, proprietor of New York City's famed Payard PÂtisserie. Former Payard baker Marius Pop, now the owner of Portland's Nuvrei, recommends the apple pound cake for a distinctive holiday delight. It's made with a rich buttery batter and Fuji apples, and topped with a rum glaze. >> wow factor: 9.2. Does your cake come with a freakin' pedigree? Didn't think so. Nuvrei Fine Cakes and Pastries, 404 NW 10th Ave., 546-8430. Requires 24 hours advance order. $15.

Ruby Jewel Ice-Cream Sandwiches

Ice-cream treats from local company Ruby Jewel are notorious for their incredible flavors, like honey lavender and cinnamon chocolate espresso. This season try the pumpkin ginger ice-cream sandwich, made with organic ice cream and locally harvested pumpkins. Or grab them in a few flavors and cut into bite-sized snacks for tasting. >> wow factor: 10.0. A devastatingly merry taste and a sly reminder of the junk food of holidays past. Food Front Cooperative Grocery, 2375 NW Thurman St., 222-5658. $3.79.

Gilded Chocolate Swallows

Add some bling to your holidays with Alma's organic dark-chocolate birds, decorated with real (and edible) gold leaf and hand-brushed to resemble old reliquary carvings. This year's mold was designed by artist Scott Foster. For the spiritually inclined, Sara Hart also makes gilded chocolate Buddhas and Catholic images. >> wow factor: 9.2. They're freakin' birds, crafted out of chocolate. If your family doesn't think you're trying hard enough after these, you know what to flip 'em. Alma Chocolates, 140 NE 28th Ave., 517-0262. Requires one week advance order. $15.

^BOOZE 'N' BUBBLY

Pear Liqueur

Clear Creek Distillery is well known for its top-shelf eaux de vie and grappas. This season, check out the boozerie's new line of fruit liqueurs. To go with dessert, try the Bartlett Pear Liqueur, made with a brandy base; drink it chilled and straight up, or liven with champagne to make a Kir Royale. >> wow factor: 8.2. The best way to imbibe alcohol and fruit, next to taking shots of kids' cold syrup. Available at most state liquor stores. $22.95.

Jonesy Old Tawny Port

Great wines make great gatherings, and they're often less expensive than you'd think. In this Australian port, earthy hints of maple syrup and hazelnuts are well matched with salty nuts and strong cheeses, making it great for entertaining before or after a meal. >> wow factor: 6.3. Gramps isn't the only one who should enjoy a snifter full of this spirit. E&R Wine Shop, 6141 SW Macadam Ave., 246-6101. $11.

Elvio Tintero Moscato d'Asti 2005

With the distinct brightness of citrus, lower alcohol content and a bit more sweetness than Champagne or similar sparkling wines, Elvio Tintero Moscato d'Asti can be enjoyed throughout your holiday gathering, from starters through dessert. >> wow factor: 7.8. Aww, hell...let the kiddies have a glass. Happy Holidays! Liner and Elsen Wine Merchants, 202 NW 21st Ave, 241-9463. $11.95.

^BONUS: MORE THANKSGIVING DAY BUFFETS, HOLIDAY GROCERY STOPS AND TURKEY VENDORS.

THANKSGIVING HELPERS

Portland’s got a wealth of restaurants ready to wine and dine you this Thanksgiving or shops to help you get the table all set.

SAVORY SITDOWNS

Jake’s Famous Crawfish

Portland’s classic seafood restaurant offers a traditional turkey dinner with all the trimmings in addition to their full menu. The landmark bar will be open as well, serving sandwiches and light fare so you can grab a drink before heading to Grandma’s. 401 SW 12th Ave., 226-1419. 11 am-11 pm. $19.95, $8.95 children.

Paley’s Place

Northwest cuisine gets a makeover during Thanksgiving dinner at Paley’s Place. The celebrated restaurant offers items from the regular menu spruced up with “seasonally appropriate foods.” Further details about the holiday menu weren’t up for discussion, but the mystery will just make you hungrier. 1204 NW 21st Ave., 243-2403. 2:30-8:30 pm. Regular menu prices.

The Rheinlander

It’s not all Wienerschnitzel and Klopse at the Rheinlander. Rotisserie turkey breast and roasted maple and marshmallow yams will be on hand for die-hard patriots while the rest of us revel in complimentary cheese fondue, and beer sausages available for an extra $2.99. 5035 NE Sandy Blvd., 288-5503. 11 am-8 pm. $16-$24.

Mother’s Bistro

It seems like everybody loves Lisa Schroeder’s slow-cooked food. But tear yourself away from the meatloaf for just one day this year, and enjoy the bounty of the season. Natural roasted turkey and fresh green-bean casserole with sautéed mushrooms and crispy onions are just a few Thanksgiving selections your mother would approve of. 409 SW 2nd Ave., 464-1122. Meals at 1 pm (4 pm seating is booked). $34.95, $15.95 children under 12.

Portland City Grill

Restaurants across town have found ways to make the same old turkey dinner sound exciting again, and Portland City Grill is no exception. Its version of the classic bird comes graced with a sage giblet gravy and accompanied by a fresh citrus cranberry sauce. 111 SW 5th Ave., 450-0030. Noon-8 pm buffet. $29.95, $14.95 kids under 10.

Free Eats

“Good Food from Good Folks” is the theme of this eighth annual free Thanksgiving dinner, hosted by PROPER (People Reaching Oppressed People Expecting Restoration.) It’s a God thing, but hey, free food is free food, right? Empyrean Movement Studio, 8208 N Denver Ave., 756-7139. 2-4 pm. Free.

BOUNTIFUL BUFFET LINES

The Heathman Restaurant

Pilgrims and chowhounds reign during Thanksgiving at the Heathman. Choose a loaded buffet with 10 starter choices or a prix fixe menu in the main dining room. Don’t miss pastry chef John Gayer’s famous pecan pie. 1001 SW Broadway, 790-7752. 11:30 am-5 pm buffet, 11 am-8 pm prix fixe dinner. $45, $14 kids under 12.

Veganopolis

Animal-free Thanksgiving by the pound at vegan HQ. Veganopolis’ buffet menu includes Now and Zen Un-Turkey, Tofurkey Roast, Lentil Loaf, bountiful vegan deserts, and as always, lots of non-bone-char-clarified beer and wine. 412 SW 4th Ave. 226-3400. Buffet noon-6 pm. Prices around $12.95 per pound.

Camp 18 Restaurant

At Camp 18, basically a giant log cabin on Highway 26, get food as sturdy as the Douglas firs themselves. Skip the pretense and head out to the coast for a traditional Thanksgiving Day feast. When you’re done eating, reminisce about the olden days with a visit to the logging museum. 42362 Highway 26, 755-1818. 11 am-7 pm. $18.95, $8.95 children ages 7-12.

Salty’s on the Columbia

The seafood grill does Turkey Day with a full buffet loaded with all manner of water- and land-dwelling creatures. Salty’s bird comes dressed in a hard-cider sauce and there’s even crab mac ’n’ cheese. 3839 NE Marine Drive, 288-4444. $36.95, or $39.95 with a bottle of champagne. $1.50 per year of age, children under 10. 11 am-6 pm.

Skamania Lodge Cascade Room

Get those out-of-town guests all riled up with outstanding views of the Columbia River Gorge and gourmet Thanksgiving dinner selections. The holiday menu includes savories like roasted Tom Turkey with apple and filbert stuffing and beef tenderloin with forest mushrooms in a pinot noir demi-glace. 1131 SW Skamania Lodge Way, Stevenson, Wash., 1-800-221-7117. Noon-8:45 pm. $44.95, $19.95 children under 12.

TALKIN’ TURKEY

Gartner’s Country Meats

The Old World sausage master does all-natural turkeys too. This year the fresh birds fly for $1.49 a pound, or house-smoked for $3.49 a pound. 7450 NE Killingsworth St., 252-7801. Order by Nov. 22.

City Market

Pick up Mary’s Organic Turkeys at City Market this year ($3.50 per pound). They’re fed with the finest grains and allowed to run free—until slaughter time, that is. Mary’s Heirloom turkeys are also available—local birdies brought up with Slow Food movement standards ($4.50 per pound). 735 NW 21st Ave, 221-3007.

Nicky USA

Break free from the boring and bring a goose, pheasant, partridge, squab or other bizarre bird to your turkey-free table. The Portland-based company imports quality game from sustainable farmers and ranchers throughout the region. Order online at nickyusa.com or call 234-4863. $5.32-$10.99.

FULL MEAL DEALS

Elephants Delicatessen

Go gourmet with sexy side dishes from Elephants. Check them out online (www.elephantsdeli.com) where you can order entire feasts or individual sides like famously delicious soups. 115 NW 22nd Ave., 299-6304, and other locations. Place orders by Nov. 21.

Phresh

Chef-owner Rob Leon is dedicated to sustainable foods, meaning each of his prepared meals is made exclusively from local, organic produce and naturally raised meats. Check out Phresh’s Thanksgiving offerings online at thatsphresh.com. 523 NE 19th Ave., 313-0488. $25 per person.

Whole Foods Market

Fully prepared dinners from Whole Foods market include standby favorites like green beans with shallots and pecans as well as natural roasted turkey. Yummy vegan dinners are available, too. 1210 NW Couch St. 525-4343. Order half dinners ($54.99, serves two to four) or full dinners ($99.99, six to eight) until Monday, Nov. 21.

New Seasons Market

Fool your friends into thinking you’re Rachael Ray. Diestel all-natural turkeys and traditional sides from New Seasons can be ordered online or by phone by Nov. 18, you sneak. 5320 NE 33rd Ave., 288-3838, and other locations, newseasonsmarket.com. $69.99 serves four to six, $89.99 serves six to eight.

Cooking Accomplished

This locally owned, independent business offers creative Thanksgiving meal creations for the lazy. You can order a few appetizers or a whole meal depending on how slothful you are. And of course, the spice-rubbed and ready-to-roast turkeys are hormone-free. 6302 Meadow Road, Lake Oswego, 639-2665. Prices vary by item.

Pix Pâtisserie

One of P-town’s fave sweet spots pulls out the stops for Turkey Day, featuring treats like “Ichabod Crème,” a tart packed with spiced almond cream and pecans topped with pumpkin crème brûlée, whiskey macaroons and chocolate mousse topped with port-soaked figs. 3402 SE Division St., 232-4407. Prices vary by item. Place orders ASAP!