[May 28th, 2008]

Oh holy hell, it’s that time of year. The Rose Festival is upon us. Celebrating our city’s thorny flower with fireworks, Fleet Week, dragon boat races, and the Starlight, Junior and Grand Floral parades is always a blast and a half. But if you’ve done it every year since birth, you might be looking for an alternative source of festival fun. So if you get itchy feet and want to evade the sudden influx of parades, drunken sailors, and parades of drunken sailors, take a stroll down the unbeaten path to one of these other Oregon celebrations dedicated to everything from doughnuts to strawberries.

ATTEND: Rose Festival takes place throughout the city May 29 through June 8. Visit rosefestival.org for more info than you can possibly imagine.

MARCH TO THE TOP

Hot damn, it’s finally happening. Voodoo Doughnut is opening another location—a “world headquarters.” To celebrate, they’ve organized a Voodoo Doughnut March which will begin at Voodoo’s teensy flagship store and make a 1.3-mile trek across the Burnside Bridge to their new breeding ground, Voodoo Doughnut Too, at 1501 NE Davis St. To make sure their good fortune makes the leap across the river, they’re planning on transporting some of their “sacred oil in a secret briefcase that will be handcuffed to a goon”! Co-owner Tres Shannon hopes to get at least 1,000 people to partake in the police-escorted jaunt over the Willamette. So go double-fist some Mango Tangos, swig some Stumptown coffee and march hard to congratulate our city’s favorite doughnut shop on its promotion to doughnut empire. 7 pm May 30. Parade begins at Voodoo Doughnut, 22 SW 3rd Ave, 241-4704, voodoodoughnut.com.

STRAWBERRY FIELDS FOREVER

Each year since 1909, the Lebanon Strawberry Festival has paid homage to the fruit that wears its seeds on the outside. At the 99th annual celebration, you can indulge in a piece of the World’s Largest Strawberry Shortcake, which serves 15,000 and is free to visitors. June 5-8. Cheadle Lake Regional Park south of Lebanon, 541-979-8478. Visit lebanonstrawberryfestival.com for details and directions.

BATTLE ON THE BEACH

Cannon Beach’s Sandcastle Day has grown into one of the biggest sand-building competitions on the left coast. In 2005, sculptors fashioned a voluptuously obese mermaid; 2006 brought a giant sand iPod. Starts at 7 am June 7. Cannon Beach (there will be signs on Highway 101 directing cars where to go), 436-2623, ext. 3, sandcastleday.bravehost.com. Free.

FLOAT ON

After a four-year hiatus, the Balloons Over Bend festival is returning, sending two dozen hot-air balloons sailing through the Central Oregon skies. Bonus: live music, kite flying and a beer garden. June 6-8. Old Mill District, 520 SW Powerhouse Drive, Bend. Call 541-323-096 or visit balloonsoverbend.com for details.

GET EGGCITED
What kind of animal lays a 12-foot, 1,200-pound egg? Dunno, but we can confidently say, “Ouch.” Winlock, Wash., a major egg-producing town until the 1950s, is home to the world’s largest egg—which you can see at its 70th Annual Egg Days festival . Located 75 miles north of PDX, the fest includes a street fair, carnival rides and a pancake breakfast. June 23-24. Take Exit 63 off I-5 North. Festival events take place at various locations throughout Winlock. Call 360-295-3626 for details.

^HEADOUT PICKS

THURSDAY MAY 29

[MUSIC] TOM JONES

How could you not want to see a 67-year-old vocal stallion with a manfro sing “What’s New Pussycat”? Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 pm. $68.75-$85.25. All ages.

[STAGE] FROM A DREAM TO A DREAMThe latest international collaboration from Hand2Mouth Theatre is with Polish director Luba Zarembinska and Teatr Stacja Szamocin, of the strange and erotic writings of her countryman Bruno Schulz. Mannequin legs will figure prominently. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 235-5284. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays. Closes June 8. $12-$18.

[SCREEN] PORTLAND QUEER DOCUMENTARY FILM FESTIVAL

QDoc returns with a doozy of a matchup—Italian gay marriage vs. the Pope in Suddenly, Last Winter. Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., 238-8899. Opening night film/party 8 pm. $20. Full festival pass $75.

FRIDAY MAY 30

[MUSIC] MUSIC IN THE SCHOOLS

Members of PDX hip hop crew Sandpeople and postitive-tip Seattleites Blue Scholars—storm the Crystal in the name of music ed tonight, with local blip-popper Yacht and the Shaky Hand in tow. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 7 pm. $17 advance, $20 day of show (students: $12 advance/$15 day of show). All ages.

SATURDAY MAY 31

[MUSIC] LADYHAWK, NEVA DINOVA

The former is as bluesy and Crazy Horse-esque as ever, and the latter takes all that angst and drowsies it down in typical Saddle Creek style: with alcohol and a bit of Midwestern displeasure. Misery never rocked so hard. Towne Lounge, 714 SW 20th Place, 241-8696. 9:30 pm. $8. 21+.

[WTF?] MASTURBATE-A-THON

Darklady returns for her annual celebration of “solo sexual satisfaction.” Transsexual porn stars, erotic portraiture and sensual “Rubitoriums” included. Pass the hand sanitizer, please. Mount Tabor Legacy Theater, 4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 238-1646. 7 pm. $25 (burlesque, fetish or formal wear), $50 (street clothes). Visit darklady.com for more info. RSVP required to darklady@darklady.com.

MONDAY JUNE 2

[MUSIC] LOS CAMPESINOS!

If you’re of the opinion that the New Pornographers lost their impulsive, rambunctious way immediately after Mass Romantic hit stores, meet your new favorite band. Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $11 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.