I am 20 now and staying in touch, though it's been nearly
three years since I saw her. I got her email this afternoon.
She's having a baby in January, and will be getting married
in the near future.
Somewhere in my mind, I've always wanted another chance with
her. She's called me obsessed, and I've called it star-crossed
love. As she put it, "it takes two to tango," and I agree.
But I'd stake my life on it, that there was definitely something
between us. Nevertheless, she's pregnant and getting married,
and although I have lost out in her life, I wish them the
best in theirs.
I need advice in how to get over her. It's going on three
years now, and I'm still feeling empty, at fault, and lovesick
for her. I haven't been able to hold a relationship for more
than 6 months with anyone after her. I'm with a girl now that
I've been with for 6 months. I only hope we can make it to
7!! I don't want my past destroying anything in my future.
It's already cost me. She meant more to me than the world.
It's no doubt due to lack of experience then. But as things
have turned out, it's slowly but surely killing me emotionally.
I've tried to get over her, but I know I wasn't doing it the
right way. I can't do it by myself, I need some help. What
might you suggest?
You must accept that somewhere back in Delaware, her parents'
wishes became her own. Despite several megabytes of email
exchange and a romantic rendezvous at the prison gate, her
feelings for you have changed. So maybe her parents interfered
by forcing her to give you up; that doesn't mean she didn't
agree with them, at least after the fact. In the end she did
choose, and she chose somebody else.
Romance blooms in an atmosphere of grand hopes and risky
odds; the parental influences can usually manage to squash
those hopes with dull-minded practicalities. But in a sustainable
relationship, the forces of realism and unfounded hope must
learn to get along. And realistically, your relationship with
her doesn't stand a chance, particularly because she doesn't
want you back.
This is going to hurt. Just remember: not being needed is
a difficult thing, but it also sets you free. You'll always
have Delaware and many saved messages to look back on, and
"getting over her" doesn't mean denying the feelings you still
hold. Give yourself a chance to trust again, and don't stay
in any relationship you don't believe in for longer than six
months.
|
5/5/99
|
|
-Crushed out on movie stars |
| 5/12/99 |
|
-My 22-year-old daughter is threatening to marry her
23-year-old boyfriend
-I met someone over the Internet - but I'm afraid she's
a stalker!
|
| 5/19/99 |
|
-How to buy a dildo |
| 5/26/99 |
|
-Do you think it's OK
to break up with a guy over sex?
-My boyfriend is homophobic and my best friend is a gay
man. |
| 6/2/99 |
|
-Should I
choose a relationship or the single life?
-How can I tell if I really love my girlfriend, or just
her money? |
| 6/9/99 |
|
-My boyfriend
feels like a pervert
-Should I jeopardize my relationship for sex with my ex? |
| 6/16/99 |
|
-dildos can
reaffirm your humanity
-where are all the straight men? |
| 6/23/99 |
|
-My wife wants an open marriage
-I can't stand my in-laws' cooking
|
| 6/30/99 |
|
-black man
seeks advice for courting an Asian lady
-tip from a queer customer |
|
|
|
-My lover is
a slob
-Breaking up is hard to do |
| 7/14/99 |
|
-Buying porn |
| 7/21/99 |
|
-After two years, my boyfriend and I don't have sex
enough
-I'm still in love with my ex, and she's getting married
|
| 7/28/99 |
|
-My girlfriend is obsessed with
telephone psychics.
- I'd rather be with my cat than my girlfriend
|
| 8/4/99 |
|
-I started seeing a guy who's an 'emotional dud'
-I'm 50-plus and want to get back into dating, love
and sex.
|
| 8/11/99 |
|
-I'm 19, but
I only like older women
-When should I meet my online pal? |
| 8/18/99 |
|
-I haven't been attracted to anyone lately
-My girlfriend changed her mind when I was gone for
two weeks.
|
| 8/25/99 |
|
-My boyfriend believes it was love at first sight,
and I don't.
-My boyfriend claims I don't take care of my appearance
any more.
|
| 9/1/99 |
|
-Do I really want my first time to be as "Girlfriend
No. 71"?
-Is this your real name?
|
| 9/8/99 |
|
-My girlfriend likes to wear thong underwear, and wants
me to as well.
-Is it that bad to be romantically dormant all my life?
|
| 9/15/99 |
|
-Cold sores ruined my relationship
-Suey's relationship track record.
|
| 9/22/99 |
|
-My boyfriend doesn't like my
artwork.
-My girlfriend drives like a maniac. |
| 9/29/99 |
|
-I can't
reach orgasm with my girlfriend.
-Break-up avoidance strategies. |
| 10/6/99 |
|
-How to date with the teenage
children living at home.
-My best friend ran off with my crush. |
| 10/13/99 |
|
-I've
never had an orgasm. Do you have any suggestions for me?
-What should I do with my argumentative boyfriend? |
| 10/20/99 |
|
-How should I discuss my spanking
fantsies with my wife?
-Are Portland women 'cold'? |
| 10/27/99 |
|
-My wife wants to have sex with
another man
-Impotence. That's the problem. |
| 11/03/99 |
|
-Why does every woman of quality
have a boyfriend?
-I am in love with three men. |
| 11/10/99 |
|
-A friend of mine has eyes for
a guy she's working with
-I have tons of male friends, but no boyfriends |
| 11/17/99 |
|
-I'm a frustrated 16-year-old
male
-My boyfriend of two years is terribly jealous of an ex-boyfriend.
|
| 11/24/99 |
|
-Does penis size matter?
-My marriage is falling apart |
| 12/01/99 |
|
-I'm in love with my best friend
-How do women in porn films get their crotches so hairless? |
| 12/08/99 |
|
-My long-distance partner wants
to be non-monogamous
-My partner is a workaholic |
| 12/15/99 |
|
-I
love my partner, but want to have sex with other women
-I'm in a good relationship, but my girlfriend's not interested
in sex
-I've been dating someone new, but I'm not sure if he's
millenium-worthy |
| 12/22/99 |
|
-What's your opinion
on dating coworkers?
-I love my girlfriend, but she won't marry me |
| 12/28/99 |
|
-Should I get back
together with my child's father?
- On the cheating scale, how bad are online sex chats? |
| 1/5/00 |
|
-My
phone chat line 'friend' turns out to be my co-worker's
fiancée |
| 1/12/00 |
|
-I think I'm addicted
to sex
-My boyfriend is a cross-dresser |
| 1/19/00 |
|
-Is it true that men like girls?
-My job and my man are not compatible
|
| 1/26/00 |
|
-Is web sex cheating?
-Dealing with self-consciousness |
| 2/2/00 |
|
-It's
Desperate Hunky Man Week! |
| 2/9/00 |
|
-Is making out
with a drunk friend a bad idea? |
| 2/16/00 |
|
-Is my boyfriend still fantasizing about a threesome?
-Tips for a virgin on what makes a woman quiver.
|
| 2/23/00 |
|
-What do I say to people who ask why I've never been
married?
-What's the proper etiquette for dating through the
personals?
|
| 3/01/00 |
|
-My
boyfriend believes that men are not required to reciprocate
sexually.
-How can I make up for missing Valentine's Day? |
| 3/08/00 |
|
-What
should I do with my once-cheating boyfriend?.
-Exclusively online romances have their advantages? |
| 3/15/00 |
|
-I
love performing oral sex, but hate eating the hair.
-My girlfriend doesn't enjoy sex, she's just a cuddler. |
| 3/22/00 |
|
-My
girlfriend is dating a married man.
-I just got out of a long-term relationship, do I want
another right now? |
| 4/12/00 |
|
-I
would like to try stripping, but I've some things to overcome
-I met a booth stripper, during her show and now I'm in
love. |
| 4/19/00 |
|
-My
ex-girlfriend still entertains ideas of us reconciling.
I'm ignoble.
-How can I prolong my happy time? |
| 4/26/00 |
|
-My
guy's so sexually pedestrian
-Our daughter is bitter at us for breaking off her affair
with an older man |
| 5/03/00 |
|
-I'm
an ex-porn performer and I know nothing of lovemaking,
only fucking
-I'm tired of being the guy friend. |
| 5/10/00 |
|
-Suey
hears from the virgins |
| 5/17/00 |
|
-What
do you think about Ross Jeffries' Speed Seduction seminar
and other programs that promise to teach a guy how to
get women in bed? |
| 5/24/00 |
|
-I've
recently started paling around (and more) with a married
guy; now it's getting weird. |
| 5/31/00 |
|
-Without
a ring how is a guy to know if a woman's available?
-I love my husband but recently we fight about everything.
I want to try marriage counselling but we're both skeptical.
|
| 6/7/00 |
|
-"I
want to know what love is"
-I'm attracted to unavailable men. Married, uncommunicative,
religious, sports-oriented or work-obsessed men seem to
be my specialty. |
| 6/14/00 |
|
-My
best friend, who's a straight male, initiated a sexual
encounter. Now our friendship is horribly strained, what's
a guy to do?
-What's the etiquette on roommates bringing home lovers
and all that? |
| 6/21/00 |
|
-
There's this girl.... and I want to talk to her.
-Why is it that all the men I meet only want to casually
date or have casual sex? |
| 6/28/00 |
|
-I'm
involved in a relationship that I'm afraid might shock
and alienate my family and friends, how to proceed? |
| 7/04/00 |
|
-
I met this wonderful girl... |
| 7/12/00 |
|
-I'm
a guy who doesn't like sex.
-I broke up with my boyfriend of three years, but now
I deeply regret it... |
| 7/19/00 |
|
-
Suey, what's with your lame gender cliches? |
| 7/26/00 |
|
-I
think I'm Straight-Curious (if there is such a thing)
-I've been off and on with my college boyfriend for over
12 years. We're having trouble moving to the next level.
|
| 8/2/00 |
|
- I'm 32, just divorce, and dating a guy who's 25.
Is there something wrong with what I'm doing??
- I am older and therefore wiser. Your readers are naive.
I'll help you set them straight.
|
| 8/9/00 |
|
-Just
when I had lost all hope in men, I met the most amazing
guy.
-I'm thinking about contacting a dominatrix. Any advice
on how to present myself? |
| 8/16/00 |
|
-My boyfriend is such a sweetheart when he's with me,
but when he's out with his guy friends, he turns into
a total pig.
-The world's biggest ass
|
| 8/23/00 |
|
-A year ago, I cheated on my boyfriend of three years
with another woman. How can I fix this? He is freaking
out.
-Oh Ms. Chow, in this case you're wrong |
| 8/30/00 |
|
-When do you tell someone you're dating that you have
hepatitis?
|
| 9/6/00 |
|
-Clueless fellow in deeply sordid situation
-I'm beginning to suspect a connection between chemical
dependency and emotional dependency, or maybe between
fitness and emotional independence.
-Is there any way to turn down a bridesmaid offer without
offending? |
| 9/13/00 |
|
-My wife doesn't want to have sex anymore
-I used to be in the sex service profession, should I
tell the man I'm about to marry? |
| 9/20/00 |
|
-I started playing out some of my fantasies with my lover
in the last year. Things have gotten complex.
- I explained that nail polish is only for girls, to which
my son insisted, "I'm a girl too!" |
| 9/27/00 |
|
-I'm dating my close friend's ex-husband
-Even though he is gonna dump me after having sex, I still
want go out with him. |
| 10/04/00 |
|
-Three straight guys agree: Hey, what's with the ladies?
|
| 10/11/00 |
|
-Are there side-effects to jerking off?
-I'm married, he's married, we're deeply in love with
each other and having an affair. And now he's asking me
to marry him. |
| 10/18/00 |
|
-I have recently gotten out of a yearlong relationship
with someone I considered my best friend...now, heartbroken.
|
| 10/25/00 |
|
-
I'm fascinated and infatuated with the parking valet boys
at Bluehour.
- I am wondering why I am finding it so difficult to meet
that special person. |
| 11/1/00 |
|
- I am unable to make my girlfriend orgasm through intercourse
or oral sex.
- The chronically ill have to realize that their life-and-death
medical tragedies aren't the only problems in the world!
What about the mental discomfort of the physically healthy?
|
| 11/8/00 |
|
-
This asshole stripper is giving me the run around
- I love my husband, but in the last few months, every
little thing about him drives me crazy. |
| 11/14/00 |
|
-I
am in love with a man who wants all the benefits of a
long-term, committed relationship without the commitment.
- I'm a 30-year-old gay man who has yet to be in a significant
relationship. |
| 11/21/00 |
|
-
My prom date and I encountered each other at a party after
not seeing each other for 14 years, one week after I suffered
a near-fatal accident.
-There aren't any men out there willing to settle down
with a simple country girl. I live and breathe country. |
| 11/28/00 |
|
-
Can you explain to me why women hate shy men?
- Why do men hate women? |
| 12/05/00 |
|
-
I accidentally came across a cache of porn on her computer,
mostly of nude women. Is my mother a lesbian?
-My father keeps a huge stash of porn on his computer.
|
| 12/12/00 |
|
-
I am 29 years old, female, and I just cannot orgasm from
penetration (intercourse).
- My impression of Portland is that it's an older crowd
that's mostly married. Is my impression correct? |
| 12/17/00 |
|
-My husband and I have an open relationship for most
of the years we've been married, when do we tell our
teenage kids?
-My "straight" friend persists in flirting
with me (I'm gay).
|
| 12/24/00 |
|
-
I am 33 years old, overweight my whole life. Now I've
shed 70 pounds and want to begin dating. Tips?
- Suey, help me develop my vaginal muscles so I can shoot
ping-pong balls and smoke joints with it? |
| 12/31/00 |
|
- Some stupid straight guy
|
| 1/6/01 |
|
-My
boyfriend doesn't like to kiss. Otherwise he's normal.
- My Jewish parents are incredible rude to my 1/2 German
boyfriend. He even studies Hebrew and the Torah! (things
that they never used to have any interest in, BTW) |
