Dear Suey,
Is it true that men like girls? If you are over 18, should
a woman even bother investing in a relationship with a man?
Why should women remain in relationships with men if what
they want is a woman to keep them comfortable via food, warmth,
shelter, alcohol, good sex, cigarettes and intellect, while
they simultaneously celebrate the beauty of the "teen"?
My boyfriend likes teen-porn sites. I am nearly
30. What in the hell am I doing? I give him everything but
my teenage body. I can't give him that.
Why do women settle for this? Why am I settling
for this?
--Overage
Dear O,
Not all men are obsessed with cute girls. I asked a couple
of them, and they both prefer older lovers. So you can squeal
about sample size and skewed research all you want, but
the fact is, guys can have diversity too.
Fortified with this knowledge, you can now
give up the current beau and start searching for someone
who appreciates maturity. Unfortunately, yours is an awkward
age and it might take a while; at 29, you probably won't
fit the maturity ideal for another 20 years or so.
In the meantime, you might amuse yourself
with a study of your current lover's sexual preferences.
Ask him why he likes teen-porn sites. He's probably not
planning to carry out any actual relationships with underaged
darlings--that would mean giving up food, warmth, shelter,
alcohol, good sex and all that, as well as non-incarcerated
status. Fantasy provides escape from nasty real-life powerplays
that can feel quite irresistible. But is he really just
interested in her body? Or by imagining her, is he also
recreating scenes of his own adolescence? The hyper-romantic
obsessions of youth, the thrilling fear of getting caught
in the den by parents, the compulsive and purely physical
explorations, all the lost opportunities...surely, you must
know what it's like. By imagining her, he might be reminding
himself of another time, when sex felt like more but meant
much less.
Not everyone fantasizes about Tobey Maguire
and Sara Gilbert. If you're getting bored with your guy,
then stop feeding him; he's not a stray cat, he can buy
his own groceries. But if you are determined to keep him,
then look for a way to understand his feelings. And by the
way, you're not so old that you can't recall what it was
like to be a teenager. Remember what it was for you and
tell him about it. Perhaps it'll spark his imagination.
--Suey
Dear Suey,
Why is sex spelled S-E-X?
--Wondering
Dear Wondering,
According to Messrs Merriam and Webster, the word derives
via Middle English from the Latin sexus, possibly
originating in the Latin verb secare, "to cut." (Read
it and weep, señor Bobbitt.) In general, all
the geeky-sounding words (coitus, penis, vagina) are from
Latin.
--Suey
Dear Suey,
I have the job of my dreams, doing marketing work at a great
agency, and the most wonderful boyfriend you can imagine.
I've been working my way up the corporate ladder and eventually
hope to reach the executive level. The trouble is, my job
and my man are not compatible. While my sweetie has a heart
of gold, he's frankly not my intellectual equal and doesn't
share my career ambitions. I took him with me to the company
holiday party, and I'm afraid our differences showed all
too clearly. I'm worried now that this is going to reflect
badly on me with my peers and supervisors at work, that
my relationship will compromise my career. But it tears
me apart to think of giving up the man I love. Must I choose?
--Career Gal
Dear CG,
Are you sure your guy can't keep up? Or is he simply bored?
Perhaps the effort of faking interest in direct mailing,
click-through rates and the demographic profiles of Damark
shoppers by zip code is the reason that dull glazed look
passes over his face as he examines the tray of Swedish
meatballs. I mean, really, how would you feel if he took
you out for a night with his crew and all they talked about
was 5/8-inch PVC piping or server error codes all night
long? Listen, honey, nobody looks that good at a company
party; as long as he's not picking his teeth with the fondue
fork, he's a cut above the average significant other in
your coworkers' eyes.
After long experience with the American economy,
I have come to believe that those who discover ways to opt
out of the rat race are mental giants; so let's assume for
the moment that he's not incompetent, and that your differences
are more cultural than intellectual. If you honestly don't
have much to say to your golden boy, perhaps a little soul-searching
is in order. But if the worst problem is his lack of insight
into the vagaries of user tracking, then I suspect the relationship
will survive. Bask in the glow of your brilliant boy's integrity,
and next time you've got a company function to attend, let
him go bowling. You're the pro: You can always put a positive
spin on your excuses.
--Suey
Previous
Columns:
|
5/5/99
|
|
-Crushed out on movie stars |
| 5/12/99 |
|
-My 22-year-old daughter is threatening to marry
her 23-year-old boyfriend
-I met someone over the Internet - but I'm afraid
she's a stalker!
|
| 5/19/99 |
|
-How to buy a dildo |
| 5/26/99 |
|
-Do you think it's OK
to break up with a guy over sex?
-My boyfriend is homophobic and my best friend is a
gay man. |
| 6/2/99 |
|
-Should
I choose a relationship or the single life?
-How can I tell if I really love my girlfriend, or just
her money? |
| 6/9/99 |
|
-My boyfriend
feels like a pervert
-Should I jeopardize my relationship for sex with my
ex? |
| 6/16/99 |
|
-dildos
can reaffirm your humanity
-where are all the straight men? |
| 6/23/99 |
|
-My wife wants an open marriage
-I can't stand my in-laws' cooking
|
| 6/30/99 |
|
-black man
seeks advice for courting an Asian lady
-tip from a queer customer |
|
|
|
-My lover
is a slob
-Breaking up is hard to do |
| 7/14/99 |
|
-Buying porn |
| 7/21/99 |
|
-After two years, my boyfriend and I don't have sex
enough
-I'm still in love with my ex, and she's getting married
|
| 7/28/99 |
|
-My girlfriend is obsessed
with telephone psychics.
- I'd rather be with my cat than my girlfriend
|
| 8/4/99 |
|
-I started seeing a guy who's an 'emotional dud'
-I'm 50-plus and want to get back into dating, love
and sex.
|
| 8/11/99 |
|
-I'm 19,
but I only like older women
-When should I meet my online pal? |
| 8/18/99 |
|
-I haven't been attracted to anyone lately
-My girlfriend changed her mind when I was gone for
two weeks.
|
| 8/25/99 |
|
-My boyfriend believes it was love at first sight,
and I don't.
-My boyfriend claims I don't take care of my appearance
any more.
|
| 9/1/99 |
|
-Do I really want my first time to be as "Girlfriend
No. 71"?
-Is this your real name?
|
| 9/8/99 |
|
-My girlfriend likes to wear thong underwear, and
wants me to as well.
-Is it that bad to be romantically dormant all my
life?
|
| 9/15/99 |
|
-Cold sores ruined my relationship
-Suey's relationship track record.
|
| 9/22/99 |
|
-My boyfriend doesn't like
my artwork.
-My girlfriend drives like a maniac. |
| 9/29/99 |
|
-I can't
reach orgasm with my girlfriend.
-Break-up avoidance strategies. |
| 10/6/99 |
|
-How to date with the teenage
children living at home.
-My best friend ran off with my crush. |
| 10/13/99 |
|
-I've
never had an orgasm. Do you have any suggestions for
me?
-What should I do with my argumentative boyfriend? |
| 10/20/99 |
|
-How should I discuss my spanking
fantsies with my wife?
-Are Portland women 'cold'? |
| 10/27/99 |
|
-My wife wants to have sex
with another man
-Impotence. That's the problem. |
| 11/03/99 |
|
-Why does every woman of quality
have a boyfriend?
-I am in love with three men. |
| 11/10/99 |
|
-A friend of mine has eyes
for a guy she's working with
-I have tons of male friends, but no boyfriends |
| 11/17/99 |
|
-I'm a frustrated 16-year-old
male
-My boyfriend of two years is terribly jealous of an
ex-boyfriend. |
| 11/24/99 |
|
-Does penis size matter?
-My marriage is falling apart |
| 12/01/99 |
|
-I'm in love with my best friend
-How do women in porn films get their crotches so hairless? |
| 12/08/99 |
|
-My long-distance partner wants to be non-monogamous
-My partner is a workaholic |
| 12/15/99 |
|
-I
love my partner, but want to have sex with other women
-I'm in a good relationship, but my girlfriend's not
interested in sex
-I've been dating someone new, but I'm not sure if he's
millenium-worthy |
| 12/22/99 |
|
-What's your opinion
on dating coworkers?
-I love my girlfriend, but she won't marry me |
| 12/28/99 |
|
-Should I get
back together with my child's father?
- On the cheating scale, how bad are online sex chats? |
| 1/5/00 |
|
-My
phone chat line 'friend' turns out to be my co-worker's
fiancée |
| 1/12/00 |
|
-I think I'm addicted
to sex
-My boyfriend is a cross-dresser |
- - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Willamette Week | originally
published January 26,
2000
|
