Dear Suey, Please let me know how can I prolong my happy time.

--Mr. Happy

Dear Mr. Happy, This is the shortest letter I have ever received. It is, quite frankly, over rather quickly.

I can see why those who prefer to ruminate at the lengthy pace of Tolstoy novels and Clinton trial transcripts may feel cheated, even bewildered, by the brevity of your letter. Without additional gestures toward filling empty spaces, the reader is left alone with her own rattling thoughts, such as: Why is this letter so short? Is he trying to tell me something? Is he trying to hide something? Could there be something wrong with him, with men, with the entire human species? See how quickly a reader can be led astray by her own meanderings, especially when filler is not provided!

And yet, I must admit, your missive is complete. All structural necessities are present, including beginning, middle and end; an actual question is posed; and commentary on Suey Chow's dating status, mental health and likelihood to burn in hell is kept to a blissful minimum.

These are encouraging signs.

Perhaps all that's needed to extend your lovemaking is better attention to detail. Every moment has its particular color and fragrance. Is your lover's T-shirt faded blue, or is it spotted with teriyaki chicken and orange juice from yesterday's lunch? Does an electric spark leap between your fingers when you reach for the snooze button at the same time? Note the texture of light filtering in through your window shades, the pace of your breath, the state of your own physical response; each detail will offer you a bit of the story your lover wants to hear.

Of course, there are certain training techniques and physical gestures which can help you too. Masturbation to the point of but not past orgasm is a good way to start; when you're out of danger, repeat the process two more times and then finish. As you begin to feel comfortable with this technique, you can try it with your partner, stopping and starting again as often as you both like. If you have trouble restraining yourself, try applying pressure just below the head of your penis to calm your arousal.

And if you still have trouble, then simply focus on your partner first, while batting hands away from your own hot spots until you're both ready.

The best reason to retrain is for your partner's benefit, of course. However, as you explore, you might discover certain bennies for you too, including the ability to enjoy longer, better and more satisfying interpersonal communications, e-mail exchanges and annual reports. And orgasms too--let's not stampede past those.

--Suey

Dear Suey, I have kept in touch with my ex-girlfriend for several months since breaking up with her. She entertains ideas of us reconciling. I still care about her but have no intentions of ever going back to her. In my recollection, it seems to have been more bad than good, and I'm just not attracted to her anymore. I admit I did some less than honorable things while we were together, which she knows about, and I feel like that guilt is what's keeping me in contact with her. How can I try to be her friend now?

--What2do?

Dear W2D, It's been months. Haven't you found a new girlfriend yet?

You and your ex are treating the breakup as an awkward continuation of the old relationship, which is only natural when you both have been living in a sexual and emotional vacuum for a significant part of the year. But if you're looking to weasel out of a friendship based on guilt, there's no excuse more convenient than a new girlfriend.

Just think of the advantages! For example, when you're feeling bored and lonely and wanting to chat about the Trail Blazers, you can call your new girlfriend (instead of your ex). When you're feeling guilty and depressed and wanting to confess your failures as a relationship prospect, you can call your new girlfriend (instead of your ex). And when you're feeling giddy and sexy and in love with life, you can call your "friend" to brag about the new gal.

Friends put up with this kind of neglect and abuse because that's what we're supposed to do. We smile indulgently with each new love affair, we snark about exes when old love turns sour; we race to the fridge after you leave, vainly hoping you left some beer for us there. Your ex, if she truly is a friend, will do the same if you give her the chance. If you can't find a new date, at least make lustful remarks about the women in Washington Park. If she asks how you feel about her, tell her honestly you're no longer attracted to her. And if all else fails, set her up with a buddy of yours. She'll get the message, if you make it clear enough.

--Suey