Dear Suey,
I'm completely in love with my guy. When we're together,
we feel totally at ease. He knows my thoughts and feelings
by catching my eye; I know his by watching the way he moves.
It's corny to say so, but it really feels like me and him
against the world. Everything would be perfect except (wouldn't
you know it?) I'm a lot more sexually adventurous than he
is. I'm not saying he's obsessed with the missionary position,
but it does have to be in a bed, lying down, face to face--otherwise,
it's not romantic. Sixty-nine is out of the question, as
are spoons, doggy-style, in a chair, on a kitchen table,
on a balcony, etc., etc., all of which I adore.
He's asking me to marry him, and I'm tempted to say yes.
But is it wise to hitch myself to someone who will probably
sexually frustrate me for the rest of my days? In all other
ways, he's the one.
- -Service, Please
Dear SP,
Resigning yourself to a life of sexual mediocrity is a lot
more difficult than it seems, and unrequited lust has a
way of gnawing at your soul. One minute you're berating
your husband for his inability to bring home a paycheck
or decent porn, the next you're fending off some misguided
noontime quickie who thinks you're going to leave your five-year
marriage for a two-week stint in Cabo and a fistful of dollar-off
margarita coupons. It'll never last.
Hope is the answer. You must never, ever give up hope...hope
for world peace, hope for better nookie, hope for cheaper
chocolate snacks at the local cineplex. Around the world,
when things aren't working the way they should, hope makes
life and marital relations bearable.
Of course, your guy will never change, but hopefully, he
can be "subtly influenced" over time. Some guys (like some
gals) just need a little extra warmup before you make any
major moves. If he likes romance, try coaxing him out of
the bed and into a sunspot by the window. If he's squeamish
about oral sex, try your hands, your breasts, the nape of
your neck. Learn the language that he understands best,
and tell him how lovely it feels to have him lying at your
back. Involve yourself in the way he experiences sex, and
try to see it as a kinky new thing for you, rather than
as a restriction. You've got to believe that some combination
of well-timed communication and belly-dancing with Morse-code
castanets will definitely work for you.
As you look for the ways to get what you want by supporting
him in what he wants, he should be doing the same for you.
If that's not happening, you might also try a relationship
talk (be careful: not after you've just had sex). Let your
guy know that you're stalling on wedlock and gently let
him know why. You're giving him a chance to work things
out with you. That's more important than perfect compatibility.
--Suey
Dear Suey,
Six months ago, my husband and I put a stop to an affair
my then-16-year-old daughter was having with a much older
man, a once-trusted friend. They did not have sex, or we
would surely have prosecuted; however, the nature of their
relationship was obvious from her diary entries and a phone
call I overheard between them. Although we interceded for
her own protection, she doesn't see that. She's grown sullen,
uncommunicative and downright rude. How do we explain that
we only had her best interests at heart?
--A Concerned Parent
Dear Parent,
I have never been a parent, and what I'm about to say may
seem thoughtless, juvenile and reckless to you. However,
I once was a 16-year-old, and a teenager's point of view
is worth trying to understand.
Although you may have your reasons for protecting your
daughter from an unwise relationship, you also did some
pretty heavy-duty damage for the sake of her "best interests."
I think she's angry with you for violating her privacy,
removing from her the responsibilities and power of choice,
ignoring her own better judgment. Frankly, these are fantastically
good reasons to be resentful, no matter how old you are.
Your days of choosing peas over ice cream for her dinner
are quickly drawing to an end. She knows that, and she needs
you to recognize it, too.
Listen to what she says; don't defend your actions. No
matter how just the reasoning, your decision also came with
consequences that only she can tell you about.
--Suey
Previous
Columns:
|
5/5/99
|
|
-Crushed out on movie stars |
| 5/12/99 |
|
-My 22-year-old daughter is threatening to marry
her 23-year-old boyfriend
-I met someone over the Internet - but I'm afraid
she's a stalker!
|
| 5/19/99 |
|
-How to buy a dildo |
| 5/26/99 |
|
-Do you think it's OK
to break up with a guy over sex?
-My boyfriend is homophobic and my best friend is a
gay man. |
| 6/2/99 |
|
-Should
I choose a relationship or the single life?
-How can I tell if I really love my girlfriend, or just
her money? |
| 6/9/99 |
|
-My boyfriend
feels like a pervert
-Should I jeopardize my relationship for sex with my
ex? |
| 6/16/99 |
|
-dildos
can reaffirm your humanity
-where are all the straight men? |
| 6/23/99 |
|
-My wife wants an open marriage
-I can't stand my in-laws' cooking
|
| 6/30/99 |
|
-black man
seeks advice for courting an Asian lady
-tip from a queer customer |
|
|
|
-My lover
is a slob
-Breaking up is hard to do |
| 7/14/99 |
|
-Buying porn |
| 7/21/99 |
|
-After two years, my boyfriend and I don't have sex
enough
-I'm still in love with my ex, and she's getting married
|
| 7/28/99 |
|
-My girlfriend is obsessed
with telephone psychics.
- I'd rather be with my cat than my girlfriend
|
| 8/4/99 |
|
-I started seeing a guy who's an 'emotional dud'
-I'm 50-plus and want to get back into dating, love
and sex.
|
| 8/11/99 |
|
-I'm 19,
but I only like older women
-When should I meet my online pal? |
| 8/18/99 |
|
-I haven't been attracted to anyone lately
-My girlfriend changed her mind when I was gone for
two weeks.
|
| 8/25/99 |
|
-My boyfriend believes it was love at first sight,
and I don't.
-My boyfriend claims I don't take care of my appearance
any more.
|
| 9/1/99 |
|
-Do I really want my first time to be as "Girlfriend
No. 71"?
-Is this your real name?
|
| 9/8/99 |
|
-My girlfriend likes to wear thong underwear, and
wants me to as well.
-Is it that bad to be romantically dormant all my
life?
|
| 9/15/99 |
|
-Cold sores ruined my relationship
-Suey's relationship track record.
|
| 9/22/99 |
|
-My boyfriend doesn't like
my artwork.
-My girlfriend drives like a maniac. |
| 9/29/99 |
|
-I can't
reach orgasm with my girlfriend.
-Break-up avoidance strategies. |
| 10/6/99 |
|
-How to date with the teenage
children living at home.
-My best friend ran off with my crush. |
| 10/13/99 |
|
-I've
never had an orgasm. Do you have any suggestions for
me?
-What should I do with my argumentative boyfriend? |
| 10/20/99 |
|
-How should I discuss my spanking
fantsies with my wife?
-Are Portland women 'cold'? |
| 10/27/99 |
|
-My wife wants to have sex
with another man
-Impotence. That's the problem. |
| 11/03/99 |
|
-Why does every woman of quality
have a boyfriend?
-I am in love with three men. |
| 11/10/99 |
|
-A friend of mine has eyes
for a guy she's working with
-I have tons of male friends, but no boyfriends |
| 11/17/99 |
|
-I'm a frustrated 16-year-old
male
-My boyfriend of two years is terribly jealous of an
ex-boyfriend. |
| 11/24/99 |
|
-Does penis size matter?
-My marriage is falling apart |
| 12/01/99 |
|
-I'm in love with my best friend
-How do women in porn films get their crotches so hairless? |
| 12/08/99 |
|
-My long-distance partner wants to be non-monogamous
-My partner is a workaholic |
| 12/15/99 |
|
-I
love my partner, but want to have sex with other women
-I'm in a good relationship, but my girlfriend's not
interested in sex
-I've been dating someone new, but I'm not sure if he's
millenium-worthy |
| 12/22/99 |
|
-What's your opinion
on dating coworkers?
-I love my girlfriend, but she won't marry me |
| 12/28/99 |
|
-Should I get
back together with my child's father?
- On the cheating scale, how bad are online sex chats? |
| 1/5/00 |
|
-My
phone chat line 'friend' turns out to be my co-worker's
fiancée |
| 1/12/00 |
|
-I think I'm addicted
to sex
-My boyfriend is a cross-dresser |
| 1/19/00 |
|
-Is it true that men like girls?
-My job and my man are not compatible
|
| 1/26/00 |
|
-Is web sex cheating?
-Dealing with self-consciousness |
| 2/2/00 |
|
-It's
Desperate Hunky Man Week! |
| 2/9/00 |
|
-Is making out with a
drunk friend a bad idea? |
| 2/16/00 |
|
-Is my boyfriend still fantasizing about a threesome?
-Tips for a virgin on what makes a woman quiver.
|
| 2/23/00 |
|
-What do I say to people who ask why I've never been
married?
-What's the proper etiquette for dating through the
personals?
|
| 3/01/00 |
|
-My
boyfriend believes that men are not required to reciprocate
sexually.
-How can I make up for missing Valentine's Day? |
| 3/08/00 |
|
-What
should I do with my once-cheating boyfriend?.
-Exclusively online romances have their advantages? |
| 3/15/00 |
|
-I love
performing oral sex, but hate eating the hair.
-My girlfriend doesn't enjoy sex, she's just a cuddler. |
| 3/22/00 |
|
-My
girlfriend is dating a married man.
-I just got out of a long-term relationship, do I want
another right now? |
| 4/12/00 |
|
-I would like to try stripping, but I've some things to overcome
-I met a booth stripper, during her show and now I'm in love. |
| 4/19/00 |
|
-My
ex-girlfriend still entertains ideas of us reconciling.
I'm ignoble.
-How can I prolong my happy time? |
|
