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Dear Suey, My girlfriend is obsessed with telephone psychics. It started as a fun, goofy thing to do--sort of like visiting the fortune teller at a carnival--but now, she can't put on a pair of socks without phoning in and asking what color they should be. Her psychic apparently feels quite free to comment on every aspect of her life, including her career and the north-south orientation of our apartment--not to mention my character flaws and how she should handle me. I love my girlfriend very much, but her psychic is turning into the third wheel in our relationship. Of course, our phone bill has skyrocketed. I realize there is a certain irony in asking an advice columnist what to do about my girlfriend's psychic, but I need some perspective. She's now talking about moving to eastern Oregon for Y2K. Although I have nothing against eastern Oregon or Y2K per se, I feel this is a certain way to get ourselves shot and killed. --Against Getting Shot and Killed Dear AGS&K, I wish I were a psychic. Then I could solve missing-persons cases and ride in cop cars and eat crime-fighter doughnuts all day long. I would intuitively know all the gossip about all my friends, and thus they would learn to fear me as they properly should. At last, I'd be able to intuit what my cat really thinks of our relationship. I would finally gain the ability to ignore the opinions of others, since I would be so much better informed than they. But I'm not psychic, and sometimes I feel very sad about that. I long for the spiritual bliss and tranquility that comes with knowing exactly what's going on and what will happen next. Instead, like many mortals, I live with the uncanny suspicion that I may be doomed to make mistakes, incarnation after incarnation, for millennia to come. Everyone has their own way of dealing with uncertainty and fear. Some of us seek out psychic friendships, while others call our mothers or our life-insurance agents. Who knows if it really helps or not? Personally, I tend to believe that real psychics do exist and that you should generally avoid asking them questions about how to conduct your life. As far as I can tell, they are too busy communing with spirit guides and the Dakini to give sensible answers. But perhaps your girlfriend has another point of view, in which case you might as well respect it (and she should respect yours). Maybe she's feeling a little confused these days, a bit distraught, wanting a fresh perspective to help set her life in order. I hope her telephone psychic is not playing into any latent fears, but rather providing reassurance. If so, then I predict the fanatical attachment will eventually wear itself out, perhaps when she starts feeling more relaxed about life and more forgiving of her accident-prone nature. In the meantime, you can gently remind your fellow non-intuitive that
you have a life to live too. If she wants to get out of town for Y2K,
then plan a vacation you both will enjoy. Maybe visit the ancient holy
grounds of Mount Shasta (for skiing), go to magical Easter Island (for
sun) or sign up for the next X-Files convention (for love, laughter
and cheap hotel accommodations). You know the drill: This is about compromise.
Negotiate with her, not with her psychic. Dear Suey, --In a Pickle in PDX Dear Pickle,
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