Dear Suey,
I have chronic hepatitis B and C. I am healthy
now and in good shape. My question is, when do you tell someone
you're dating that you have hepatitis? I tried mentioning
it first chance I could for a while. This seemed to eliminate
any chance at a second date. I also once waited until a relationship
had progressed a ways, after we kissed a few times. When I
told her of my condition, she asked, "Do your gums ever bleed
when you brush your teeth? I know you brushed your teeth just
before you picked me up, I could taste the toothpaste when
you kissed me!" If there is some middle ground, I have yet
to find it. So far, this obstacle has completely defeated
me. Can you offer any practical advice I might later apply?
--Hep Help Please
Dear HH,
First a refresher course for the rest of us:
Hepatitis is a liver inflammation caused by several different
viruses (A, B, C, etc). The word "inflammation" makes hepatitis
sound like little more than jock itch of the internal organs,
but the bad news is, hepatitis can be life-threatening. Short-term
symptoms include high fever and jaundice; long-term problems
can include liver damage, cirrhosis and liver cancer. Still,
most people can live quite well after hepatitis, as exemplified
by my dad, who managed to produce two children and, at the
age of 75, is still laying brick patios in the backyard.
Each of the viruses is transmitted differently. Hepatitis
A is the notorious sushi virus and passed through oral or
fecal contact--it can be transmitted via rimming, but also
by sharing food with a carrier or when a restaurant worker
doesn't wash up after using the toilet. The good news is,
vaccines are available; you probably got your shots if you
ever traveled to India or China.
Hepatitis B is passed blood-to-blood, like HIV, but is much
more contagious. Unsafe sex, sharing needles, tattooing and
even unsanitary electrolysis can pass hepatitis B. Vaccinations
are more expensive for hepatitis B, but many kids are getting
them as required by various hospitals and school districts;
your dates can get them too.
Hepatitis C is probably the most dangerous of the viruses,
and there is currently no vaccine. It's also more difficult
to transmit, however, requiring such heavy-duty blood-to-blood
contact as blood transfusions, shared needles or unprotected
sex during the acute phase of infection (as with common colds,
you're most contagious right before symptoms show up). Although
they still encourage caution, most doctors have never seen
a case of hepatitis C spread to a spouse after treatment.
In your case, condoms are optional; the Center for Disease
Control doesn't make any specific recommendations for hepatitis
C-ers in monogamous relationships.
What all this means for you, HH, is that you'll need to do
a little extra work to help your partners feel comfortable
about your hepatitis status. Such conversations are never
easy, but take time to explain the relative dangers; if you
know what your virus count is, clue her in on that too. Demonstrate
that you're taking responsibility for your own health and
try to minimize the risk for her. As it turns out, bleeding
gums are a legitimate concern; it probably isn't a good idea
to brush or floss right before a date (and doubly problematic
if she's paranoid about it). Don't share razors; practice
safe sex; leave a few informational pamphlets around the house
or email her a hepatitis link. It may take longer to find
someone who isn't spooked, but a lot of your success will
depend on patience and your willingness to speak frankly and
be informed. Then let her decide what she wants to do next.
--Suey
Previous
Columns:
|
5/5/99
|
|
-Crushed out on movie stars |
| 5/12/99 |
|
-My 22-year-old daughter is threatening to marry
her 23-year-old boyfriend
-I met someone over the Internet - but I'm afraid
she's a stalker!
|
| 5/19/99 |
|
-How to buy a dildo |
| 5/26/99 |
|
-Do you think it's OK
to break up with a guy over sex?
-My boyfriend is homophobic and my best friend is a
gay man. |
| 6/2/99 |
|
-Should
I choose a relationship or the single life?
-How can I tell if I really love my girlfriend, or just
her money? |
| 6/9/99 |
|
-My boyfriend
feels like a pervert
-Should I jeopardize my relationship for sex with my
ex? |
| 6/16/99 |
|
-dildos
can reaffirm your humanity
-where are all the straight men? |
| 6/23/99 |
|
-My wife wants an open marriage
-I can't stand my in-laws' cooking
|
| 6/30/99 |
|
-black man
seeks advice for courting an Asian lady
-tip from a queer customer |
|
|
|
-My lover
is a slob
-Breaking up is hard to do |
| 7/14/99 |
|
-Buying porn |
| 7/21/99 |
|
-After two years, my boyfriend and I don't have sex
enough
-I'm still in love with my ex, and she's getting married
|
| 7/28/99 |
|
-My girlfriend is obsessed
with telephone psychics.
- I'd rather be with my cat than my girlfriend
|
| 8/4/99 |
|
-I started seeing a guy who's an 'emotional dud'
-I'm 50-plus and want to get back into dating, love
and sex.
|
| 8/11/99 |
|
-I'm 19,
but I only like older women
-When should I meet my online pal? |
| 8/18/99 |
|
-I haven't been attracted to anyone lately
-My girlfriend changed her mind when I was gone for
two weeks.
|
| 8/25/99 |
|
-My boyfriend believes it was love at first sight,
and I don't.
-My boyfriend claims I don't take care of my appearance
any more.
|
| 9/1/99 |
|
-Do I really want my first time to be as "Girlfriend
No. 71"?
-Is this your real name?
|
| 9/8/99 |
|
-My girlfriend likes to wear thong underwear, and
wants me to as well.
-Is it that bad to be romantically dormant all my
life?
|
| 9/15/99 |
|
-Cold sores ruined my relationship
-Suey's relationship track record.
|
| 9/22/99 |
|
-My boyfriend doesn't like
my artwork.
-My girlfriend drives like a maniac. |
| 9/29/99 |
|
-I can't
reach orgasm with my girlfriend.
-Break-up avoidance strategies. |
| 10/6/99 |
|
-How to date with the teenage
children living at home.
-My best friend ran off with my crush. |
| 10/13/99 |
|
-I've
never had an orgasm. Do you have any suggestions for
me?
-What should I do with my argumentative boyfriend? |
| 10/20/99 |
|
-How should I discuss my spanking
fantsies with my wife?
-Are Portland women 'cold'? |
| 10/27/99 |
|
-My wife wants to have sex
with another man
-Impotence. That's the problem. |
| 11/03/99 |
|
-Why does every woman of quality
have a boyfriend?
-I am in love with three men. |
| 11/10/99 |
|
-A friend of mine has eyes
for a guy she's working with
-I have tons of male friends, but no boyfriends |
| 11/17/99 |
|
-I'm a frustrated 16-year-old
male
-My boyfriend of two years is terribly jealous of an
ex-boyfriend. |
| 11/24/99 |
|
-Does penis size matter?
-My marriage is falling apart |
| 12/01/99 |
|
-I'm in love with my best friend
-How do women in porn films get their crotches so hairless? |
| 12/08/99 |
|
-My long-distance partner wants to be non-monogamous
-My partner is a workaholic |
| 12/15/99 |
|
-I
love my partner, but want to have sex with other women
-I'm in a good relationship, but my girlfriend's not
interested in sex
-I've been dating someone new, but I'm not sure if he's
millenium-worthy |
| 12/22/99 |
|
-What's your opinion
on dating coworkers?
-I love my girlfriend, but she won't marry me |
| 12/28/99 |
|
-Should I get
back together with my child's father?
- On the cheating scale, how bad are online sex chats? |
| 1/5/00 |
|
-My
phone chat line 'friend' turns out to be my co-worker's
fiancée |
| 1/12/00 |
|
-I think I'm addicted
to sex
-My boyfriend is a cross-dresser |
| 1/19/00 |
|
-Is it true that men like girls?
-My job and my man are not compatible
|
| 1/26/00 |
|
-Is web sex cheating?
-Dealing with self-consciousness |
| 2/2/00 |
|
-It's
Desperate Hunky Man Week! |
| 2/9/00 |
|
-Is making out with a
drunk friend a bad idea? |
| 2/16/00 |
|
-Is my boyfriend still fantasizing about a threesome?
-Tips for a virgin on what makes a woman quiver.
|
| 2/23/00 |
|
-What do I say to people who ask why I've never been
married?
-What's the proper etiquette for dating through the
personals?
|
| 3/01/00 |
|
-My
boyfriend believes that men are not required to reciprocate
sexually.
-How can I make up for missing Valentine's Day? |
| 3/08/00 |
|
-What
should I do with my once-cheating boyfriend?.
-Exclusively online romances have their advantages? |
| 3/15/00 |
|
-I love
performing oral sex, but hate eating the hair.
-My girlfriend doesn't enjoy sex, she's just a cuddler. |
| 3/22/00 |
|
-My
girlfriend is dating a married man.
-I just got out of a long-term relationship, do I want
another right now? |
| 4/12/00 |
|
-I would like to try stripping, but I've some things to overcome
-I met a booth stripper, during her show and now I'm in love. |
| 4/19/00 |
|
-My
ex-girlfriend still entertains ideas of us reconciling.
I'm ignoble.
-How can I prolong my happy time? |
| 4/26/00 |
|
-My guy's
so sexually pedestrian
-Our daughter is bitter at us for breaking off her affair
with an older man |
| 5/03/00 |
|
-I'm an
ex-porn performer and I know nothing of lovemaking, only
fucking
-I'm tired of being the guy friend. |
| 5/10/00 |
|
-Suey
hears from the virgins |
| 5/17/00 |
|
-What
do you think about Ross Jeffries' Speed Seduction seminar
and other programs that promise to teach a guy how to
get women in bed? |
| 5/24/00 |
|
-I've recently started paling around (and more) with a married guy; now it's getting weird. |
| 5/31/00 |
|
-Without a ring how is a guy to know if a woman's available?
-I love my husband but recently we fight about everything. I want to try marriage counselling but we're both skeptical.
|
| 6/7/00 |
|
-"I want to know what love is"
-I'm attracted to unavailable men. Married, uncommunicative,
religious, sports-oriented or work-obsessed men seem
to be my specialty. |
| 6/14/00 |
|
-My
best friend, who's a straight male, initiated a sexual
encounter. Now our friendship is horribly strained,
what's a guy to do?
-What's the etiquette on roommates bringing home lovers
and all that? |
| 6/21/00 |
|
- There's
this girl.... and I want to talk to her.
-Why is it that all the men I meet only want to casually
date or have casual sex? |
| 6/28/00 |
|
-I'm involved in a relationship
that I'm afraid might shock and alienate my family and friends, how to proceed? |
| 7/04/00 |
|
- I met this wonderful girl... |
| 7/12/00 |
|
-I'm a guy who doesn't like sex.
-I broke up with my boyfriend of three years, but now I deeply regret it...
|
| 7/19/00 |
|
- Suey, what's with your lame gender cliches? |
| 7/26/00 |
|
-I think
I'm Straight-Curious (if there is such a thing)
-I've been off and on with my college boyfriend for
over 12 years. We're having trouble moving to the next
level. |
| 8/2/00 |
|
- I'm 32, just divorce, and dating a guy who's 25.
Is there something wrong with what I'm doing??
- I am older and therefore wiser. Your readers are
naive. I'll help you set them straight.
|
| 8/9/00 |
|
-Just when I had lost all hope in men, I met the most amazing guy.
-I'm thinking about contacting a dominatrix. Any advice on how to present myself? |
| 8/16/00 |
|
-My boyfriend is such a sweetheart when he's with me, but when he's out with
his guy friends, he turns into a total pig.
-The world's biggest ass
|
| 8/23/00 |
|
-A year
ago, I cheated on my boyfriend of three years with another
woman. How can I fix this? He is freaking out.
-Oh Ms. Chow, in this case you're wrong |
|
