Dear Suey,
Have you ever heard of female premature orgasm? I have been
with my current girlfriend for just over one year. Whenever
we sleep together, I am able to bring her to several quaking
orgasms. Each time, she "kicks me off" before I'm able to
climax, then she enjoys her sensations. As for oral sex, it
doesn't take me anywhere, and she seems to get tired of doing
it after a short while. I don't think there is anything physiologically
wrong with me--self-stimulation is quick and effective.
I get along with this woman and want to marry her and have
her bear my children. But if I can't reach orgasm, should
I try another partner (I was an old virgin before this relationship)?
--Puzzled in Portland
Dear Puzzled,
Another partner? Sure, why not?
Sometimes old ex-virgins need time to explore their sexuality.
And sometimes multi-orgasmic women who don't have time for
say, a simple hand job, are too busy to help. It's very
nice that she is able to get her quakes with you, and if
she's willing to work on yours, perhaps there is still hope.
But the idea of having sex without orgasm for a year makes
me shudder. As does the idea of getting married simply because
"we get along." Take your time, P. Eventually, you'll find
someone on the same seismic wavelength.
--Suey
Dear Suey,
I met a cute gal through a mutual acquaintance; we've been
dating for the last few months. It went pretty well at first,
lots of laughs, but it's become pretty clear to both of
us (I think) that we're not compatible: She's a trainer,
extremely fit and an early riser; I'm a pencil pusher for
the city, a smoker and a confessed junk-food addict.
A couple weeks ago, I was at her place, we were watching
a boring video, and I sort of fell asleep in the middle
of it. This evidently annoyed her, because when I woke up,
she was already getting ready for bed (without me). I excused
myself, and told her I'd call the next day. The problem
is, I didn't. And now it's been three weeks. In my defense,
she hasn't called me either. I don't think she's upset--we
were headed for a civil breakup anyway, we just never said
so explicitly. Everyone keeps telling me to phone her (especially--if
you don't mind my characterizing them in this way--my female
friends) but I feel really uncomfortable about it. Honestly,
I think it is more considerate to let things blow over.
What do you think?
I seriously doubt she's waiting by the phone for me--she
was never shy about getting ahold of me when she wanted
to.
--You Can Call Me Slacker
Dear Slacker,
Avoidance strategies have always worked well for humankind.
Whether we are running from bears, the boss or the U.S.
military, sidestepping a confrontation often means more
quality time at the end of a busy day. But shirking can
also become more trouble than it's worth.
For example, are you prepared to wear disguises in public
places and avoid health-food outlets for the next five years?
Can you truthfully say you'll never need to drink a power
smoothie with spirulina and extra protein powder? What if
an international trade crisis closes down all the suburban
mini-malls and your shoelaces suddenly burst open in five
places, forcing you to wander into an athletic-goods store
downtown for a new pair of sneakers?
A lack of closure will haunt you wherever you go and, Portland
being what it is, your mutual friend will probably invite
you both to her pinochle party next week. The terror at
seeing your un-girlfriend again will make you feel shy and
strange, as if you were playing cards with a cardiovascularly
fit, sort-of living-dead date--the kind that refuses to
make eye contact and hisses at you behind your back. At
that moment, you'll wish you had given the relationship
a proper burial.
Nothing fancy is required, not even a phone call. Just
send a card, perhaps a small memento. Let her know that
you enjoyed your time together and you wish her the best.
Voila! Romance over.
--Suey
Previous
Columns:
|
5/5/99
|
|
-Crushed out on movie stars |
| 5/12/99 |
|
-My 22-year-old daughter is threatening to marry
her 23-year-old boyfriend
-I met someone over the Internet - but I'm afraid
she's a stalker!
|
| 5/19/99 |
|
-How to buy a dildo |
| 5/26/99 |
|
-Do you think it's OK
to break up with a guy over sex?
-My boyfriend is homophobic and my best friend is a
gay man. |
| 6/2/99 |
|
-Should
I choose a relationship or the single life?
-How can I tell if I really love my girlfriend, or just
her money? |
| 6/9/99 |
|
-My boyfriend
feels like a pervert
-Should I jeopardize my relationship for sex with my
ex? |
| 6/16/99 |
|
-dildos
can reaffirm your humanity
-where are all the straight men? |
| 6/23/99 |
|
-My wife wants an open marriage
-I can't stand my in-laws' cooking
|
| 6/30/99 |
|
-black man
seeks advice for courting an Asian lady
-tip from a queer customer |
|
|
|
-My lover
is a slob
-Breaking up is hard to do |
| 7/14/99 |
|
-Buying porn |
| 7/21/99 |
|
-After two years, my boyfriend and I don't have sex
enough
-I'm still in love with my ex, and she's getting married
|
| 7/28/99 |
|
-My girlfriend is obsessed
with telephone psychics.
- I'd rather be with my cat than my girlfriend
|
| 8/4/99 |
|
-I started seeing a guy who's an 'emotional dud'
-I'm 50-plus and want to get back into dating, love
and sex.
|
| 8/11/99 |
|
-I'm 19,
but I only like older women
-When should I meet my online pal? |
| 8/18/99 |
|
-I haven't been attracted to anyone lately
-My girlfriend changed her mind when I was gone for
two weeks.
|
| 8/25/99 |
|
-My boyfriend believes it was love at first sight,
and I don't.
-My boyfriend claims I don't take care of my appearance
any more.
|
| 9/1/99 |
|
-Do I really want my first time to be as "Girlfriend
No. 71"?
-Is this your real name?
|
| 9/8/99 |
|
-My girlfriend likes to wear thong underwear, and
wants me to as well.
-Is it that bad to be romantically dormant all my
life?
|
| 9/15/99 |
|
-Cold sores ruined my relationship
-Suey's relationship track record.
|
| 9/22/99 |
|
-My boyfriend doesn't like
my artwork.
-My girlfriend drives like a maniac. |
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Willamette Week | originally
published September 29,
1999
|
